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Monday, May 31, 2004

Who is Earnscliffe, anyway?

“Who, what, where is this Earnscliffe?” emails a reader from Victoria. “Does he or she or it wander about on the misty moors of Yorkshire? Is Earnscliffe gay? Is Earnscliffe possessed of the devil? Damn poor journalism, Mr. Eye Opener, you prattle on and on about Earnscliffe - not one reader out of 100 knows the nature of this mysterious beast.” Reader in Victoria: You’ll learn nothing by looking at the Earnscliffe Strategy Group’s website, http://earnscliffe.ca/ - it is the tiniest site on the World Wide Web (it’s been a year since Earnscliffe promised to provide meaningful details). Well, Earnscliffe’s not a he and not a she and not an it – Earnscliffe’s all those things and many more. The Gucci Guys from Earnscliffe were the geniuses who brought us John (“Dipsy-Doodle”) Turner in 1984 – the Gucci guys forgot to script Turner’s defense in the Turner/Sam Slick Mulroney debates (Mulroney decked Dipsy real good) and the guys should have prohibited Turner from pinching bums on the campaign trail. When Turner cratered in 1990, the Gucci Guys were put out to pasture by Jean Chretien – only temporarily impoverished, Earnscliffe signed up Junior Martin – came back to Ottawa with Junior in 1993 and, according to super bureaucrat Ad scam fixer Chuck Guite, immediately used Junior to get themselves into the big time Liberal pork barrel. Earnscliffe loves conflicts of interest – while Canadian taxpayers pay Earnscliffe tens of millions per year for advice, corporate welfare bums and other Darwinian capitalists pay Earnscliffers Mike Robinson and Harry Near more than $800,000 per year to lobby and distort the interests of those same taxpayers. If they practiced law, Earnscliffers would lose their licenses to practice. We don’t know whether or not Earnscliffe lobbies for tobacco companies but we do know that Earnscliffe represents everything wrong in North American politics - Earnscliffers are lobbyists, advice artists, fixers, handlers, spin-doctors. Earnscliffe is Edgar Bergen to Junior’s Charlie McCarthy. They took control of the Liberal Party last year and script Junior’s every move and every word. Yes, Victoria, Earnscliffe runs Canada.

The Calgary Eye Opener


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