The Calgary Eye Opener

CALGARY, ALBERTA, CANADA ... Monday, December 08, 2104.
30-day Access to all Stories $2.00 *** First Time Readers have Free Access to One Story *** Print-outs/Copies of Stories Retail 25¢ - Wholesale Prices for Registered Readers, Newsletters and Media

The Calgary Eye Opener 2104

Select the Story you want to read. To register your selection, click the REGISTRATION button at the bottom of this page. We'll order it through our high-speed (100 lypm) time machine connection.

Suzuki on hunger strike
Long-time, middle-aged (age, 167) geneticist, David Suzuki is enters the 20th year of his hunger strike protesting global cooling and CO2 depletion.

Christie rejected by Senate
Following a three day confirmation hearing, the Canadian Senate has rejected the President's nomination of Doug Christie to the Supreme Court of Canada.

Bumper wind bean crop
Heavy March winds in the Pincher Creek Autonomous Municipal Area have produced the largest wind bean crop ever.

Christian Taliban leader gets 138 years
After a constitutional class action, a jury in Regina has sentenced Christian Taliban leader Larry Spencer to 138 years in prison for violating the church/state separation rights of 1,500 claimants.

Temple excommunicates eternal life advocate
The world's most popular religion, the Temple of Our Blessed Savior Winston Smith, has excommunicated Prophet Tammy Faye Baker for refusing to forsake the Doctrine of Eternal Life.

Tesla beam down for five seconds
A sun spot interrupted the Tesla high voltage beam from Mars to Calgary for five seconds yesterday.

Last cancer cell destroyed
In Palm Springs California, Canadian health minister Brian Tobin announced the destruction of the last cancer cell in the Universe.

Liberation Day 49 celebrations planned
Calgary is planning a two week celebration of the 49th anniversary of the liberation - Liberation Day is April 1.

ESP Schedule
October's ESP schedule.

Copps retires as Liberal Leader
Sheila Copps retired today. She said her greatest accomplishment was the elimination of anal rententivsim world-wide.

Pincher Creek resists annexation
For the thousandth time the Autonomous Municipal Area of Pincher Creek has maintained its independence in the Annexation application brought against it in the World Court by the City of Calgary.

Guaranteed Annual Income Raised
The Canadian Senate, House and the President have agreed to raise the Guaranteed Annual Income to $2,000,000 (2004 dollars)