live Big Brother! Knower and lover of all things economic! Bearer of common
sense and fiscal responsibility to the arts, humanity and all other forms of
frivolity! Great leader and teacher! Best friend of all cows and milkmaids!
The great architect of Neo-conism/Soc-conism and the Common Sense Revolution!
The great godparent and continuer of the work of Adam Smith and Jesus Christ!
Great coryphaeus of science! Ingenious thinker and scholar, forging all-powerful
and unconquerable spiritual armament for the moral majority! Great gardener
of human happiness! Graced with the extraordinary MODESTY characteristic of
truly great people! Bearer of an irreconcilable hatred for all liberals, socialists,
running dogs, cowards, whiners, doubters, taxers of the rich and betrayers of
the middle class and all their lackeys! Great friend of all works military and
of the military industrial complex! Military genius, and solver of the most
difficult questions of military tactics and strategy! Protector of all lobbyists
'Tis The Honourable Gordon Muir Trickle-Down, the Prime Minister of the Province
of British Columbia here.
[Two-minutes of silence]
And what follows from
Leader --- the barbarians are at the gates of the Province of British Columbia
--- the very home --- the paradise of God-given Kapitalism and Konsumerism ---
Dear Leader, you must save us from the rape and pillage that is sure to follow
It so happens that, in our last British Columbia election campaign I promised
that British Columbians would never have to pay a Harmonized Sales Tax (HST).
Then --- it so happens --- much, much later after I made that distant promise,
you bailed me out of a severe budget deficit --- and it so happens that, in
return, I agreed to make British Columbians pay an HST --- I brought the HST
to British Columbia a very long time after I made the election promise. Subversive
elements now, with malaise aforethought, have the nerve to claim that I misspoke
to the people of British Columbia and, as of last Saturday, my popularity polled
at 9% --- the lowest of any Prime Minister of British Columbia.
How long was the very
long time between the election and the HST?
Eleven full weeks Dear
Leader. But worse calumny was to befall me and free enterprise, freedom and
Christianity in the Province of British Columbia. For it so happens that, way
back in the year of Our Lord 2001, in the election campaign of that year, I
promised that, if elected, the Liberal Party I led would never sell the British
Columbia Railway --- B.C. Rail ---
Trickle-down Never use
the Lword in My Presence. Revert to the pronoun "we"!!!!
--- I will understand of what you speak.
won the election in the year of Our Lord 2001 --- in fact the anti-democratic-freedom-haters
(aka the "New Democratic Party [NDP])") stole only two undeserved seats.
A long, long, long time later, it so happens, we entered into a mere short-term
lease of the railroad to Canadian National Railways.
How many decades later?
How short-term was the lease?
short-term lease was entered into a full 20 months after the election. The short-term
lease was for only 990 years (mind you the Canadian National Railways had perpetual
rights to renew). But despite the fact that I merely leased the railroad, I
did not sell it, the socialists, demagogues that they are, claimed I'd broken
my campaign promise not to sell --- it is disgusting how low these lefties will
But worse still --- sometimes I think that Jesus is testing us believers ---
it so happened that rogue elements of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police raided
the offices of the Ministers of Finance of the Province of British Columbia,
Gary Collins and the Minister of Transportation of the Province of British Columbia,
Judith Reid, under the paranoidal delusion that we were taking bribes and peddling
influence related to the railroad. We acted quickly and banished the rogue kops
to an outpost on the Yukon Border serviced by dog team every five years. So
my Attorney General was able to only charge one Verk, the assistant to the Minister
of Finance of the Province of British Columbia, and one Virk, the assistant
to the Minister of Transport of the Province of British Columbia, with bribery
and to leave it at that. We thought the assistants would behave like loyal Neo-Cons
and take the rap. But no --- these two disloyal assistants, Basi and Virk, traitors
to the Neo-con cause, refused to plead guilty and called for a public trial.
And it so happened Basi and Virk started naming names --- the first name being
one Clark who, they said, had paid a bribe of $25,000. Now it so happened and
it was, of course, a shear coincidence that Clark is the brother of Cindy Clark,
the then Deputy Premier of the Province of British Columbia --- and --- had
they no shame --- the socialists and some newspapers had the nerve to wonder
whether the relationship between the Deputy Premier and her brother was more
than a coincidence.
Trickle-Down --- are
you telling me you haven't got the B.C. media under your thumb?
the taxpayers of the Province of British Columbia employ 216 well-paid propagandists
in our Public Affairs Bureau of British Columbia. And the taxpayers of the Province
of British Columbia have hired Joe Goebbels Consulting of Nuremberg, Germany
(who you recommended). And we have two of British Columbia's most trusted columnists
in our back pocket --- but the editor of the Victoria Times Colonist is a constant
thorn in our side. But worse still --- the editor allows a leftie cartoonist,
one Raeside, to savage me daily.
Don't worry about her
--- the Times Colonist's been taken over by a hedge fund --- her days are numbered.
Dear Leader --- but my problem must be solved as we speak or sooner. For six
years, we tried to run the wheels off this Basi/Verk case --- but it so happens
that, in the course of those six years, these turncoat black-mailers trickled
out more irrelevancies --- Basi and Virk said that the chief Neo-Con organizer
for the Province of British Columbia paid a bribe of $25,000. And that the railroad
itself paid $300,000 to one Kinsella, who was our 2001 election campaign manager
and was also on the payroll of the Canadian National Railways which was able
to buy (I mean short-term lease) B.C. Rail --- what's wrong about that --- as
J.P. Morgan used to say --- the secret of success is to find a conflict of interest
and exploit it. .
In fact, I feared, Dear Leader, that, in the far, far distant future, the blackmailers
Basi and Virk would shamelessly force the former minister of finance of the
Province of British Columbia and the former minister of transportation of the
Province of British Columbia to testify at their trial as witnesses under oath.
It so happens that, coincidentally, we entered into a plea bargain with the
Basi and Virk last week. Under it, the blackmailers have to stay home for two
years --- except to go to work and to go out for a walk and have to keep their
traps shut. On our part, as honourable statesmen, we agreed that the taxpayers
would gladly pay a mere $6,000,000 in legal fees of the reformed blackmailers
to assist in their rehabilitation. Again, the socialists and sabotagers claim
that, to avoid allowing the public to hear the evidence of the former minister
of finance of the Province of British Columbia and the former minister of transportation
for the Province of British Columbia, we made a sweet-heart deal with Basi and
Virk. To see how one of your devoted followers suffers, Dear Leader, CLICK HERE to
see how that cartooning nabob of negativism, Raeside, savaged our noble efforts on the 21st day of October 2010.
Totally false --- the
sweetheart deal and the silencing of the witnesses were unrelated --- how do
the people of British Columbia know that --- why because the reformed blackmailers
said so. If you can't believe reformed --- and about to be rehabilitated ---
blackmailers --- who can you believe?
many decades or years --- when did the two ministers have to give evidence in
would have had to testify last week, Dear Leader. And now the experts (and if
you can't believe experts, who can you believe) both at the Public Affairs Bureau
and at Joe Goebbels Consulting say my popularity is down to
-30% ...and ...
the editor of the Victoria Times Colonist and the godless socialists and the
doubters and the nattering nabobs of negativism are demanding a public inquiry
into what they call "Railgate". I smell revolution in the air, Dear
Leader, and I ask you to declare martial law.
have a better way. I'll order His Excellency, Governor General How-High to conduct
a Vice-Regal Inquiry into this matter and, more important, to set the terms
of reference of the inquiry.
is it proper for His Excellency, the Governor General of the Realm of Canada
and all its provinces and territories, to be involved in a political dispute,
Why do you think he's
called "Governor-General How-High"? When I tell him to jump he asks
"How High?" That's why I hired him.
You may recall that
I had some difficulties a few years ago with the shenanigans of former Prime
Minister Brian Baloney. A German high-binder by the name of Karlheinz Schreiber
stuffed $300,000 in three brown paper bags and slipped them to Baloney for services
rendered ---- Schreiber's client, Airbus Industries, got to sell 34 medium jets
to Canadian government controlled Air Canada. The L____ s and the socialists,
of course, demanded a full inquiry into what they called "the Airbus affair"
and I was under extreme pressure. Trickle-Down --- I have felt your pain. So
I turned to that esteemed Canadian, Dr. How-High, who I later appointed Governor
General. In a short time How-High recommended that an inquiry be held into Baloney's
actions --- but How-High warned that the inquiry should never mention the names
of Airbus or Air Canada --- he said allegations about those companies "needed
no further scrutiny" because they were "well-tilled ground thanks
to previous investigations" --- whatever that meant. As
Baloney's old head bureaucrat, Norman Spector, said, "thanks to Dr How-High,
Airbus became Airbust". His Excellency'll do the same thing for you.
But not on your say-so --- why Trickle-Down -- to him you're nothing but a developer
and a lobbyist - a social leper - the lowest of the low - the slimiest creature
ever to slither out of the primordial ooze. No --- His Excellency is a snob
and a name-dropper and your name falls far below any name he would ever drop.
You'll need Me to order His Excellency to order an inquiry.
Dear Leader --- if
you will do that, I solemnly promise to do or not to do anything you may ask.
Trickle-Down your track record for keeping promises leaves much to be desired
--- Ha Ha --- just kiddin' --- I know that, when you make a promise to a Political
Contributor or a Bona-Fide-Big-Shot, your record is perfect --- it's only to
the plebs you don't keep promises --- that's all part of being a Neo-Con. But
I'll ask you to attend to these two matters --- change the name of your party
from that unrepeatable "L" word to "The Neo-Con-So-Con Party of B.C. (NCSCBC)"
... and ... restrain that cartoonist Raeside from ever leaving Vancouver Island.
I do not want that subversive drawing pictures of me.
Done Dear Leader. I
give you my blood oath that I will obey.
15, 2010 --- Hear ye, hear ye. I, the Governor General of Canada, Master of
all I survey, hereby order that there shall be a full Vice-Regal Inquiry into
allegations of bribe-taking by certain low-low-low-low-level civil servants
of the Province of British Columbia. The inquiry shall be completed by November
30, 2010. I am told that there may be frivolous and scurrilous allegations that
others were involved in the making and receiving of railway bribes, for example,
the Neo-Con-So-Con (formerly Liberal Party) of British Columbia; for example,
Prime Minister Gordon Muir Trickle-Down; for example, non-socialist ministers,
past present or future in the Government of British Columbia; for example non-socialists
of a higher rank than 10 levels below the said low-low-low-low-level civil servants;
for example The British Columbia Railway --- Those allegations need no further
scrutiny because they are "well-tilled ground" thanks to previous
investigations. And anyone who says otherwise will be deemed guilty of treason and be transported to Gitmo and shall suffer and be stretched on a Vice-Regal rack until