The sun just don't rise in the west anymore. This propaganda business ain't
what it used to be. Case in point ....
I flew me down to Ottawa last night. Strong head-winds - that nasty blizzard
blastin' out of the east. Where all bad things come from. By the time I hit
parliament hill - I was some tuckered and settled me down for the night on the
committee room wall. Just to make sure there was no monkey business goin' on.
And sure enough .....
minutes later the place was flooded with light and the doors burst open. In
sprang Mulroney's two top propaganda communicators - casin' the joint for next
day's hearing. Says the rolly-polly with the glasses and stars-an-stripes on
one lapel and the cross of Jesus on the other --- to the little, pinchy-faced
guy with the club foot and swastika in his lapel:
That Mulroney's gettin' rusty Herr Doktor. What's the first thing
we all learned in communications class 101?
Why, of course Herr Rove: Article 1 of the Propaganda Society
of America (PSA)'s Code of Ehics tells us to ..... DENY, DENY, DENY.
Well, my dear Herr Doktor, he's ADMITTED, ADMITTED, ADMITTED
.... that he took $225,000 in three brown envelopes from a pretty shady fellow
- Karlheinz Schreiber. What card'll we play doc?
Simple my dear Herr Rove - the Checkers Card.
Are you mixing your metaphors esteemed Herr Doktor?
What does Article 2 of the PSA Code of Ethics say Herr Rove.
Well, esteemed Herr Doktor - we all had to learn it by heart
- along with the Lord's Prayer. In the words of your beloved Fuehrer, Herr
Doktor: THE GREAT MASSES OF THE PEOPLE MORE EASILY FALL A VICTIM TO A BIG
LIE THAN TO A LITTLE ONE.
Yes of course - that is sacred to us, Herr Rove and what does
Article 3 of the PSA Code say?
Article 3 says: THE LAST REFUGE OF A SCOUNDREL IS ..... THE FAMILY
Exactly Herr Rove. You must understand that the Checkers Card
is simply the most classic application of Article 3. You will remember ---
In 1952. Richard
(Tricky Dicky) Nixon ran for president - on the coattails of Dwight (Ike)
Eisenhower. He stormed the beaches on D-Day. When out of the blue you will
remember, Herr Rove, the media - the Godless - the Red media. The Red media
caught the future tricky-dicky president with his pants down. Harvesting big
stooks of $1,000 bills in envelopes from a bunch of rich folk. The Reds caught
him red handed. Ike decided to fire Tricky. At that point Tricky played the
Checkers Card. One Texan moneybags had given Nixon not only cash - also a
little cocker spaniel named Checkers. For his kids. Well, from that little
lemon Tricky made lemonade - on national TV he went with Frau Nixon at his
side. "The Reds are demanding I give the dog back. My children love the
doggie. The Red's want me to return the dog. I won't - I refuse - they can
do with me as they want - I won't give back the dog. And of course, in the
good old days - when the sun always rose in the west, Herr Rove - in 1952
- of course the great masses of the American people forgot - and Dwight Eisenhower
forgot - and the media - those who weren't blacklisted - forgot about the
$1,000 bills and the envelopes. And Nixon was back on the team and he and
Dwight Eisenhower won the presidential election of 1952.
So here's how I have prepared our plan for tomorrow, Herr Rove.
We'll play that Checkers Card Herr Rove.The Right Honourable Mulroney will
enter the room. Behind him will be all his Right Honourable children and his
Right Honourable frau. The family will march to the front of the room - HERE
- The Right Honourable will be seated HERE. And the family will be seated
HERE. I tell you - when he testifies, behind him they will all be - to the
television audience - he will be as good a god-fearing family man as Mr. and
Mrs. Canada have ever met. And he'll talk in a deep voice and cry and whine
about how the committee and the media are victimizing him. And what about
you Herr Rove? What have you done on your end of the operation?
Here's what I've done. I've spent hours and hours in the Prime
Ministers Office - giving choir practice to those two nice Tories, David Tilson
and Russ Hiebert. I told them what to say - I had it typed out in large print.
I ordered them not to stray "off message". We practiced and practiced.
If questions were getting tough for the Right Honourable to answer - I told
them to jump in with points of order like Senator Joe McCarthy used to do.
I told them to waste as much of the committee's time as possible. I ordered
them to run the wheels off the committee.
Were Herr Doktor and Herr Rove ever happy with themselves. Said Herr Rove to
Herr Doktor quoting Mencken:
No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of
the [Canadian] people.
Herr Doktor limped over to Herr Rove and planted a big hug on him. And the
two danced and limped out of the committee room - arm-in-arm. And turned out
the lights - and I fell right asleep.
Well, what da ya know - the best laid plans of mice and men - can come to naught.
The Mulroneys tried to march in lookin' like as decent a God-fearing, patriotic
family as you'd find on the face of the earth. Then a multilingual, non-English-non-French-speaking
security guard slowed em up and broke em up by checking each one of their passports.
And the committee assigned Mulroney's family seats way back from Mulroney. And
what da' ya' know but the TV cameras were fixed so they couldn't zoom in on
the family. The great masses never once saw the family. And the fidgeting little
chairman of the committee, Paul Szabo, stopped Tilson and Hiebert from doing
any harm - except to Stephen Harper.
In the end, according to a poll, only 10% of the great masses of the people
believed Mulroney while 30% believed Schreiber. It wasn't only the fault of
Mulroney's propaganda team. I blame Mulroney himself. I don't know about the
great masses of the American people in 1952 but I do know that the great masses
of the Canadian people in 2007 chortle when some smoothy - former prime minister
or not - trys to feed them lies like these:
:-) there's nothing very suspicious about Karlheinz handin' you 75 to 100 $1,000
bills in a brown legal-sized envelopes in hotel rooms - on three separate occasions
- or saying you stored the bills in safety deposit boxes for six years - we
never did learn where the New York city box was located - and didn't pay tax
on them till Karlheinz got found out (-:
- :-) the only contact you ever had with Karlheinz was an occasional cup of
coffee although the lobbyist gave him $225,000 - "sugar ... Herr Mulroney?
cream? cash?" (-:
- :-) when Karlheinz tried to blackmail you last spring, you didn't call in
the cops (-:
So I flew back to the Alberta Hotel on that cold evil eastern tail wind. When
I got to the Long Bar, Custer wasn't up on the wall. A pink elephant belonging
to Bob Edwards had replaced him so I found a comfortable spot on the elephant's
head. Bob hadn't watched the committee - he had been too busy with the pink
elephant. When I told Bob what had happened - he didn't know it was me talking
to him - he thought it was the elephant. The elephant asked Bob his opinion.
There's one other lie Canadians won't believe ... :-) Harper's
claim that he and Mulroney aren't working together (-: ... Tilson and Hiebert
disproved that - by their actions. It didn't help that one looks like an aging
gigolo - the kind who hangs around cruise ships in Victoria Harbour - trolling
for rich widows. And the other looks like a hustling young undertaker from
Steinbach, Manitoba - the kind who sells purloined cadavers to schools of
chiropractic. It was pretty obvious that they were running interference for
Mulroney. And were on on a tight leash from Prime Minister Harper's office
- that's where their game plan and scripts had been written. And, therefore,
Harper and Mulroney were working hand-in-hand - in cahoots. So Tilson and
Hiebert tarred Harper with the same brush as Mulroney. They've just lost the
next federal election for him. Harper could well be the end of Toryism in
Paddy piped in - in that decent way he has about him - most often when talking
about fellow Irishmen who have gone astray:
Bob - Harper's in a tight spot. If Harper doesn't help Mulroney
- the Red Tories and the old P.C.s - Mulroney lobbies them every day - will
revolt - led by Peter McKay. Mulroney'll make sure of that.
As a connoisseur of politicos - Paddy. Compare Mulroney to Nixon.
No comparison, Bob. Both of them have used the "I'm no crook"
defense. There the similarity ends. Mulroney's a crook - sure - so's lots
of fine politicians. But Mulroney's a decent man - ya' know Bob - crooks can
be decent men or women. Proof of that is what he - courageously - single handedly
- did to free an innocent man - David Milgaard - he had nothing to gain from
it - he did it because it was the decent and just and kind thing to do. You
can tell from the sparkle in his eye - to be sure somewhat glazed over by
the worries of the world he's created for himself - but the sparkle of a kind
Irishman - and what a sense of humour he has. He can laugh at himself. He
loves people though he's - surprisingly - a bit shy. He's a lot better in
a small group than speakin' to a crowd - where he looks pompous and tries
to play the big shot - pompousness and Mr. Big - that's what Canadians still
hate about him. If they knew him well they wouldn't.
On the other hand, Nixon was an outright malevolent, paranoid,
warped psychopath. An evil man. If, at Watergate, the U.S. Congress and the
U.S. Constitution hadn't stopped him - he would have become a Stalin. Though
he grew up in the age of propaganda, Mulroney's no Stalin, Bob. May God have
mercy upon Mulroney. Only God knows what'll happen to his poor lost soul.
One last question, Paddy. Why do ya' think Karlheinz says he
gave Mulroney $300,000 but Mulroney says he got only $225,000.
As an old lawyer and a student of human nature I know the answer,
Bob. Mulroney, for once, is telling the truth. Karlheinz pocketed the extra
$75,000 - as Mulroney would say - Karlheinz "integrated" it. Classic
underworld double-cross, Bob.
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